Ask the Patriarch 2
Will you ordain me as…?
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We are fairly open as to what designations we provide to our ordained clergy. But we do reject some requests for a variety of reasons, both reasonable and unreasonable. Following is a sample:
Will you ordain me as –
– Satan’s Hands
In our opinion, requesting to be known as”Satan’s Hands” reflects a belief in a deity, albeit an evil one rather than a supposed good one. We cannot approve this request.
– Weasel Master
We are advised that to be internationally recognized, this designation can only be issued by the Loyal Order of Weasels. Instead, we have ordained you simply as a Master.
– Goddess
Unfortunately we are unable to determine whether or not you actually possess the full attributes of a deity. And to issue such a designation would undermine the Articles of Faith of the Church. Accordingly, we have ordained you as a Priestess.
– Chaplin
I am not qualified to certify slapstick acting ability.Consequently, I have ordained you as a Chaplain